Stay at Home Mom: How We Did It and Continue to Do It

My life changed rather significantly since last year. After nine years of teaching, I resigned from job to stay home with our child when she would be born in the fall. I have had only two types of responses when I people knew I was going to stay at home.

1. “That is wonderful. You will not regret it. The early years go so fast!”
2. “I wish we could afford to do that.”

It’s the second response that I would like to address in today’s post. I know some women desire to return to work and some desire to not return to work. This blog post (http://holdenonbaby.com/2012/12/18/is-staying-at-home-an-option-anymore/) made me start thinking more about women who really long to not have to return to work but are afraid of the financial repercussions. I believe more women who desire to stay at home with their children can actually stay at home without needing to work. Kyle and I are not living on an insane amount of money. We are thankful for his job. He receives a decent salary and benefits. But I am not a stay at home mom because we are wealthy. I’m a stay-at-home mom because of the following advice I can give to any mother who wishes to do the same.

1. Plan ahead. When Kyle and I were engaged, we talked about what our future would look like and what dreams we had. I dreamed for years to stay at home with my children. Kyle knew he wanted to give me the choice to quit my teaching job once we had kids so from the moment we got married, we had a financial plan mapped out of what that would look like. In the two years we were married before the birth of Elsa, we eliminated all debt except our mortgage, we lived only on Kyle’s income, and we used my income to work towards paying off the mortgage early. Talking about our desires together was significant. Kyle needed to know what I truly wanted, and then we could plan accordingly. Living underneath our means was very significant too. We didn’t get used to two incomes and the lifestyle that would come along with it. If it’s too late for you to plan ahead, don’t despair. Read the following suggestions and try them.
2. Have a budget. I can’t tell you how much I have loved having a budget. It truly makes your money go much further than you can imagine. I used to be afraid to have a budget because I thought it would show me how much money I didn’t have. I was wrong. It actually showed me how much I did have. I was just listening to Dave Ramsey say on his radio show that when he first set up a budget with his wife, it felt like he got a raise. That feeling is true. You know where every dollar goes, and you know exactly how much you have to spend. Kyle keeps our budget on his computer and has an app on his phone to continually update it when purchases are made. I can always check the categories to know exactly how much money I can use for shopping for clothing, getting groceries, going to the salon, purchasing an item for the house, or buying stamps. Every penny of our money spent is recorded, and I never have to worry about overspending. It really is the most liberating way of handling money. Also, it’s been good for our marriage and prevented us from arguing about money. At times, budgets aren’t the most fun. I make us eggs and grits to save money when we get close to going over our grocery budget, or I have to ask the cashier to take a couple items off the grocery bill if I don’t’ have enough money to pay at the register, but these are minor inconveniences compared to the long run.
3. Don’t fall into the new car trap. Cars can zap so much of our money. Having a baby doesn’t mean you now need to buy and SUV or a brand new car to transport the baby. If your car is paid off then drive it as long as you can. A car payment is not helpful when you live on one income. If you have a significant car payment, sell you car and buy one that you can purchase with cash. I must say, my husband chose a rather aesthetically unappealing car to purchase before he even knew I existed. If you know what a Scion is, you know what I mean. I would love to replace that car. However, I love more not having to make a car payment. So if I have to drive Elsa around in the Scion, so be it.
4. Take your housing situation into serious consideration. I think this one can have the most significant impact on your ability to stay at home. If that is your desire, most likely you will have to reconsider your dream home. My dream home is an old farmhouse with wood floors on a couple of acres of land with a little stream bordering the property and amazing views of open fields that I can take in from the huge front porch and secluded back patio that leads to our lush garden. My actual home: a cookie-cutter townhouse with carpet on .00002 acres where I get to see another cookie cutter townhouse out the front window with our lush garden being a container planted with a couple heads of lettuce and some herbs. This place never entered any dream I had when I dreamed of being a stay at home mom raising our children in the country and picking vegetables with them in the garden as they sang praise songs pulling weeds and thanked me for being the fairest of all mothers in the world. But really, this is the place we can afford so that I don’t have to work. We have planned our housing situation carefully so that we can comfortably live here and in a few years look to get a place that will give us a bit more room and a bit more land.                  I do want to say though, even if you don’t LOVE your house, apartment, whatever, do what you can to make it a home. Change       some paint, get some décor ideas on pinterest, add a couple of fun pillows to the couch, upcycle a piece of furniture, visit the flea market for some interesing finds, etc. You’d be surprised what an impact just a couple of changes can make.
5. Trust God to provide. If you really desire to stay at home, I think God can provide in ways you might not even have considered. Our sister-in-law desired to stay at home and one day, right before she was about to return to work, her husband received a raise paving the way for her to quit her job as a dietician. My sister stays home with her three children, and each year she is amazed at how God gives them everything they need.  She also sells items on eBay for additional income and finds really cute kids clothing at yard sales. God may bring along a part-time job for you or surprise you in some other way. 

I’m amazed at how God has provided for me and Kyle this year. I wasn’t sure what to expect when I stopped working. I had excellent insurance. We lost that and have a significant extra expense with the insurance from his company. We can’t pay as much on the mortgage as we had been, but each month we still have some money we can allot to that area. We set a decent amount of money aside for retirement, tithe at least 10% of our income, put some money aside for Elsa’s college fund if she chooses to go some day, and still have money for me to enjoy a shopping trip here and there.  All of this on Kyle’s income. I say this so that you can know, if we can survive with me staying at home, then I truly believe other moms can as well.